Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
