Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
