they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize