Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
