i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The power of my boobs compel you
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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