apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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