i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
