You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
