There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
