You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And then my night got REAL pukey
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
