I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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