you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
