What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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