I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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