if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
false alarm, still single
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
