They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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