You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Farmville is her only friend.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
