so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
