i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
