you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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