I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
