yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
