in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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