Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
