You really coming over, don't trick.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
