Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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