you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize