he puts the penis in happiness.
home. puking in laundry basket.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
