You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
