He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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