dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
