I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
