All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
