he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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