he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
