i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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