just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
