I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
