I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
