Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize