What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
