my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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