im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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