all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
