mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
