I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
