I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Randomize
