He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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