My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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