I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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