then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
