I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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