the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
