the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
