Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize