One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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