a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
