i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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