my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
im six kinds of drunk right now
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
