rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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