i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
