So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
