You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
