i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
