Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
