he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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