Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
