No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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