How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
