She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
