Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
