i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
